tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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