The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
