One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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