I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
