these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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