this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
