the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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