Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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