If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
