she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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