bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
