Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
