Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I fill condoms, not promises.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
