So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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