she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
