It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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