he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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