why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
