they need to just BURY HIM!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
