So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
