Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
