Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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