I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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