I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
