i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
