Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
