So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
