note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
