I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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