At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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