So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
