Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
