Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
