sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
