It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
