when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize