I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
