Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
