I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
