Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my shit smells like andre
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
