I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
