why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
