How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
