Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
