Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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