Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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