I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
