Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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