Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize