Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
