i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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