this just has baby written all over it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
