well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
