I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
