He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize