I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Who died my cat blue again?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
