Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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