what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
