nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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