please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
