I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
