Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
