Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
