I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
