There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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