I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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