i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
