im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
