You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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