i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
