I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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