dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
