I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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