Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
