I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
