i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
