if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We had to coat check the pizza.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
