He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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