the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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