I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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