I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize