im drinking this country out of the recession.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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