he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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