So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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