Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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