And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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