I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
