Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
