i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
