What a fucking waste of an outfit
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
