Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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