when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We left the knife in your bed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
