Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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