god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
