I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so let's talk penis.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
