i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
