return my video game
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
