my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can text with my tongue
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It all started with a game of naked twister.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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