you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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