I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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